he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
