but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
