I CAN MOONWALK!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
