watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
