haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The air was thick with penises
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
