My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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