just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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