Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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