Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
