As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
