how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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