Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
