ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
