I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i now understand why vodka
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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