Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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