we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
