I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
