My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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