so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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