You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
