3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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