I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
