Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
