she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
