his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
