literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
