1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
