; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
