I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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