i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
