Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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