I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
