She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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