It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
