I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
