my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
