As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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