So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
