ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
