had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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