I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
