I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My dick has a subreddit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
