Duck Duck Cougar?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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