I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
