do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
