great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
