she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I accidentally burped into my bong.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
