No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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