my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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