I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
