Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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