You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
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Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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