I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is wine microwaveable?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
