What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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