We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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