I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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