If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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