Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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