sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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