oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
