so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
