i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There are leaves in my underwear?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
