i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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