"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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