I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
