i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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