How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
