we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
