you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
