Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
